It is a disease that strikes swiftly and suddenly, affecting thousands of students around the country, causing despair and heartbreak. The CDC does not recognize this epidemic, and neither do parents, teachers, or college admissions officers. This horrible affliction has a name: senioritis.
Some began to feel the awful pangs of laziness and desperation on the first day of freshman year, while others held senioritis at bay until the first day back from spring break this year. However, in the few weeks leading up to graduation, seniors will feel its full effects. With symptoms of lethargy, apathy, and anxiety, the advanced stages of senioritis should not be taken lightly. Possible outcomes include spontaneous truancy, fluctuating intellectual effort, extreme whining, and tendencies toward juvenile pranks in an attempt to alleviate stress and boredom.
If you or a loved one has been affected by this illness, please consider these steps to cope with the pangs of senioritis.
1. Rejoice in the fact that there are, as of the time of publication, only 40 days left until graduation.
2. Remember that the last AP exam you will ever have to take is on May 17, 2013.
3. If you do not already have beach week plans, make some immediately. Remember to tell your parents/guardians/financiers that it is a medical emergency.
4. When thinking about skipping school, remember the two glorious days in June when you will not have to attend school if you are exempt from exams. The underclassman that really annoy you will be in class while you’re at home sleeping.
5. Do a quick cost-benefit analysis. While we all know the temptation of staying home on a Tuesday morning to watch Netflix and go grab Chick-Fil-A instead of going to first block is strong, consider the fact that repeated use of this coping method will land you in afternoon or Saturday detention, where you will sit silently with neither Netflix, nor Chick-Fil-A.
6. When considering performing a senior prank, think about that dollar bill that Principal Roger Sites will hand you at graduation upon the receipt of your diploma. In the words of the immortal Wu-tang Clan, it’s all about that “dolla, dolla bill, y’all.”
7. Always remember – no matter how far away it seems – that moment will come when you walk across the stage, get your diploma, shake administrators’ hands uncomfortably, and jump off the stage gleefully yelling, “WE OUT!”